Anyways, this is provisional until blogger starts working again.

THE ROLLING STONES- SOME GIRLS

I realize that a lot of my REVIEWS are horrendously written pieces of shit. It's because I write a lot of reviews while I am drunk or hungover (That's when I seem to care about getting my thoughts on paper; when I am afraid that I will lose my ability to think them!) Yes, I am an alcoholic, but you shouldn't worry, because once I start hitting my stride all of my reviews will be ten page long ramblings about electro-shock therapy and how gay Orson Welles (A fucking huge piece of shit) is. Ending a sentence with "is," is like talking to your mom and then ending the conversation with "I'm going to go fingerbang my fifteen year old girlfriend who is into The Clash." If you guessed that the relation between those two thoughts is "bad fucking idea," then congratulations, you gradute to the next paragraph!

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I just realized that there may be several legal implications to this review. Funny, because Mick Jagger can get away with singing:

White girls are pretty funny

Sometimes the just drive me mad

Black girls just want to get fucked all night

I just don't have that much jam.

and no one has arrested Mick Jagger for not aborting his children, whose brains were probably riddled with cocaine with which he forcefed his wife. Anyways, I think that last line is about Mick Jagger being said that he lost his jungle fever, so he goes to New York to see if he can find Paul Weller to help him double team some black chicks. Anyways, today's review is Some Girls by The Rolling Stones. I realize no one has reviewed anything in a while, but in all honesty, I've been preparing my soul for the travesty that is "Neon Bible" by the Arcade Fire, so please bear with me. Imagine if you dressed up like a bear and then came to hang out with me! And then I could bring out a movie slate with garbled and incoherent German all over it and then say "Action!" and you could eat Win Butler. The joke here is that Werner Herzog is probably an insane pedophile.

God, this album is really fucking good, and is probably one of the Rolling Stones best albums. "Miss You" is just this fucking awesome disco song that shouldn't be confused with TRS (Shorthand, shortdick) song called "DOO DOO DOO DOO DEE DOO DOO." Then "When the Whip Comes Down" is this fucking balls out pop rocker and you just know Keith Richards is slapping his dick against his guitar in some moment of heroin induced irony. This album has "Beast of Burden," which was a Magic Card about the SILVER GOLEM KARN, and had something to do with its power and toughness equalling the amount of artifacts in play. Somehow knowing that fact hasn't prevented me from getting a lot of sex, but not with Werner Herzog you fucking sicko fucks! I also think that Beast of Burden (the song) is very popular with lesbians, but I don't think I could tell you why. The Rolling Stones end the album with another one of their fucking greatest hits of all time, motherfucking "Shattered." If you can't WRAP your head around such shamefully eunuch-centric lyrics like, "Laughter / Joy/ and lonelines / and sex and sex and SEX AND SEX," while the rest of the band (Uh, a bunch of spinning rocks) goes all "bwop a dop a dwop dop'" then you're probably one of those queers who only likes late sixites Rolling Stones, and you're gay.

If you're a nerd like me who can't relate to some of the left-ventricle raping melodies of the Beatles but also doesen't like the fake, artsy-fartsy bravado of shit like "Sympathy for the Devil," then you'll love this stuff. Also, God is gay.

This is unbelievably awesome.

If my life were exciting and had a soundtrack, it would be every Godspeed You! Black Emperor song at different oppurtune moments. But it's not, so my real soundtrack is like some eunuch singing Fake Plastic Trees whenever I start to feel anyway remotely different then how I feel at any sort of normative (Thank you rez-project, for that word) stage.

Listening to Godspeed! is basically a different experience then anything else I've ever encountered. Most bands make you think of the band preforming live when you let the sound form pictures in your head, Godspeed! forms all sorts of wierd landscapes and scenarios and it's beautiful. If it's crappy outside and you've only been able to appreciate the beauty of rain and puddles for so long before getting sick of it, you can always go inside and listen to Godspeed!

Can someone please talk to me about how awesome the song "How Soon is Now' is by the Smiths? k thx bye

THIS IS FILLER

Anyways, on the subject of music.

Some of my favorite music to study to are concept albums. Long-ass, fucking metaphor laden albums that tell a story. My study CD last year was Tommy, by The Who. I'd always know how long I've been studying for based on whatever Roger Daltrey is scatting about for the time being. Tommy is a good album, much better then Quadrophenia, and I can't study to it because I always end up comparing it to its rock opera predecessor, and that keeps me from studying. (Not like I'm complaining, procrastination is what I do best.) Tommy came out in fucking 1969 too, only being beaten by The Pretty Thing's SF Sorrow as the first rock opera . Anyways, it rules, and if you haven't listened to it once with YOUR HEADPHONES ON, then really, go watch Almost Famous and listen vicariously through the protagonist or whatever.

I haven't really settled on a good album to listen to this year. My iPod (The rammifications of me talking about owning an iPod are staggering, but I'll save that for another day. Or if anyone from Illinois reads this, they could ask me to re-post a few things.) is completely broken and I have to send some stuff back to my mom, but of course I'd rather play DOTA, ANYWAYS, I DIGRESS. The point is, when I study say, at the library, I have to listen to the SOUNDTRACK OF LIFE, which after repeated listens I've decided is overrated. God, what an awful joke.

Some of the current albums in contention are Mezzanine by Massive Attack, My rap-music playlist, Heschl's Gyrus jams, Permenant Waves by Rush, Emerson Lake and Palmer's Brain Salad Surgery, and finally You Forgot it in People by Broken Social Scene. I all love those albums a lot, but I don't think the fact that none of them have occupied a permenant spot on my studying playlist means that they are worse then Tommy, although relatively they probably are. I don't really listen to new albums I've just got when I study, because they are usually distracting and I spend half the time listening to the music instead of studying. That's why I also don't keep my iTunes (You can see the Apple logo on my ass) on shuffle.

SO, MY INTERNET CALLSIGN IS ROGER_DALTREE AND I WILL BE WRITING ABOUT MUSIC (FIRST AND FOREMOST) AND ALSO ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE (I won't be writing about the meaning of life.)

So I'll be honest, The Arcade Fire sucks.

They don't suck as bad as say, Creed, but as far as the indie beat goes, they aren't as good as say, Wolf Parade, or say uhhhhh, Wolfmother. Okay, okay, I realize that I just compared The Arcade Fire, to Wolfmother (I admit, a highly derivative blues-rock based rip-off band with a token Lysergic acid diethylamide influence as well as songs about fabled creatures riding the zipper at your local three-day midwestern (insert town's staple crop here)-fest.)

The Arcade Fire is basically the quintessential "indie" band, of course. You basically take the DIY (Don't Imitate Your influences- just kidding, the acronym stands for Do It Yourself) ethic that makes indie, indie and then you basically give The Arcade Fire an indiet (I think that means you make it sound less indie, but I just coined the term and it's subject for evolution and stuff. Pardon all these asides! Not to be confused with a-sides, but I digress...) SO THAT THE ARCADE FIRE SOUNDS WELL, full of vital energy and well-arranged instrumental interplay. Except, the album Funeral in particular does sound like it was recorded and produced through a sliding glass door, but we'll let that slide for the time being, as most indie is "tokenized" as having "lesser" production.

What seperates The Arcade Fire from say, TV on the Radio (A band I like very much, they know how to make really idiosyncratic funky music and they do it really well, and they experiment well!) is the consistency, as well as the aim of the sound. Every Arcade Fire song sounds as if it has three really good ideas, which then are completely mired and ruined by having some guy in the background waving a saw around to keep the tempo and then the singer Win Butler (He is not a native Montrealer, stupid asshole!) kind of overdubs his voice and has some of his bandmates sing over his voice also but in such a way that it completely fakes harmonization, but what you're getting is just a shitty vocal line. On the subject of vocals, Regine Chassagne is basically what Kim Deal from The Pixies (I couldn't make it double bold there) would sound like had Kim Deal gotten a parade of Wolves to rip out her larynx and then proceed to hibernate inside of her esophagus. I didn't purposefully make a weight joke there, but if you kind of felt what I hinted at then feel free and laugh because hey, laughs are free and they are also the best medecine (except for PiL featuring ex-Sex Pistols singer Johnny Lyndon.).

Each Arcade Fire song has some sort of meandering structure with a few hooks (The hoooook brings youuuuu baaaaaaackkkkkk, I'm eternally grateful to the Blues Travelers for their great advice, but not much else) meant to keep you in the song. What seperates the artful instrument laden Arcade Fire and their twists and turns, with say, a Progressive Rock band, is that a Progressive Rock band usually knows how to play their instruments a bit better, and seem to have a much firmer grasp of diatonic theory (IE: Staying in key) as well as having great production generally, although there are a lot of crappy prog bands. The random guitar break to violin break to Regine Chassagne solo spot to Win Bulter screaming about "Alex doing it" (that line makes me fucking cringe) doesen't sound cohesive to all at me and usually ruins the overall effect of the song for me. The arrangements are decent, but a lot of them are ruined by the sloppy recorded live inside of Foufones Electroniques sound, (This is a Montreal joke) which is a shame because The Arcade Fire sounds like they have a lot of heart (Barracuda something something) but it just gets lost in the overabundance of STUFF that they're trying to accomplish in each song and in the album as a whole.

Now, I did say that a derivative, pseudo-Black Sabbath band like Wolfmother is inherently better (I won't get into why I love TV on the Radio so much, but maybe if you're lucky...) is because Wolfmother does one thing and does that one thing well. They rock. They're good at rocking. You know that Wolfmadre is around because they like to rock and they tend to at least not get too much stuff in the way of their rocking, and if they do have a little musical diversion here or there on their CD Wolfmother (self-titled) then they make sure that it is only there for the purpose of rocking you more. I guess I'll just refer to the first song Another Dimension where the guitar kind of CUTS OUT and the drums and bass sort of guide you along this fantasy world of four-necked x-guitars and demons and wizards and rocking leprechauns and shit, but its a good twist that flows well with the music. The Arcade Fire has a lot of good ideas for new sections, but it just comes off as sounding completely out of place and overly artsy. Of course, I'm primarily talking about one CD, Funeral, but I find this CD sort of representative of the things I don't like of their other songs, and for the band, as well. Also their other albums are EPs, right?????

That being said, Power Out (Neighboorhood #3) would be a great song if Win Butler's vocal slime didn't contanimnate every melodic line. Wake Up (Rebellion) is one of the few tracks I really dig on the album, as it kind of rocks but they get that sort of sensitive, throwing your depression medication down the toilet emotional feeling right too. Crown of Love, Haiti, Kettles, Laika, and Une Annee Sans Lumiere suck way too hard for me to consider TAF a good, or even consistent, band, or Funeral to be a good album.

But hey, Pitchfork knows what it's talking about, right?